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-Man Wey Dey Reason

Must Read: Man Wey Dey Reason… Part 59

A story written by Flow1759… If you missed part Fifty Eight, read it HERE!!!

It was getting dark, and the place they were dragging us to was a deserted part of the bush that even if we cried for help, our voices wouldn’t be heard.

I heard a cracking, as if my elbow joint had been dislocated as Enyi pulled me with so much strength.

“okay, we wan pay una” I said and they stopped abruptly. “we go pay una with our phone” I stated. “where una phone?” Enyi yelled, “see my own here” I brought out mine.

“na dis r’ubbish phone be your phone?” One of the guys with a “bicycle seat head” said.

True talk, i was really ashamed of my phone, it lacked market value. I knew they would collect the phone and still behead us. Not “us” but “me”, atleast let me speak for myself, because Brainbox saved his head when he brought out a beautiful Nokia camera phone, a Nokia phone that the Market value shouldn’t be less than 10k.

The phone was familiar to me, but i couldn’t put my finger on it, and i was sure that wasn’t Brainbox’s phone, unless of course his pocket had started manufacturing phones.

Oh my world!! It was the phone i saw on the counter at the Police station.

Brainbox stole a Policeman’s phone. Nawa oh!!

If Brainbox could steal a Policeman’s phone, in broad daylight, in the Police station and go unnoticed, then where else can’t he steal from?

I was so shocked at Brainbox “Aka Abuo” skills that I couldn’t hold myself back from shouting, “Brainbox!!!”. “why you dey shout Brainbox, ur guy don save you, and u dey shout Brainbox” Agwo said tapping me on my head. “bros i just dey hail am, say him don try, him too much” I said.

“Too much” indeed, too much in Aka Abuo Ministry.

Aka Abuo is not Fulani but Ibo, and it means a fast pilfering fellow.

If Aka Abuo Gospel church were to be a church, then Bigie would be the Pastor in charge, while Brainbox would be the Assistant Pastor. Bigie was born a kleptomaniac was a known fact, but Brainbox stole just for the fun of stealing.

I removed my SIM card and handed my phone to Enyi. Brainbox never bordered removing the SIM from the Nokia phone because the phone wasn’t his, albeit the phone was off.

“okay make una leave them, God don save them” Agwo commanded.

They left us, and as we ran, Enyi ran after us with his machete raised up as if he wanted to strick our heads with it, that made me increased speed, Brainbox also.

“guy naso pesin dey die oh” I said, panting as we stopped running. “guy see my shirt” Brainbox complained, removing his poo painted shirt, since he wasn’t putting on a singlet, he was bare chested.

When i sat on my poo, half of my trouser landed on the poo, and half of my bare a”ss landed on the poo also. Since my poo was watery, it crested a Map of Nigeria on my trouser.

While it crested a small Map of Lagos on my boxers because my boxers rubbed off the poo that was stamped on my a”ss.

“guy so i go n’aked go house? Ur own even better sef say na only ur shirt the s’hit rub” I said to Brainbox.

I removed my trouser to reveal the crested Map of Lagos on my boxers. A Map that flies stuck to like Bee to nectar.

I concluded i would go home with just boxers. Or rather, boxers covered with T-shirt, because i wrapped my T-shirt round my waist to cover the Map of Lagos.

So we both walked home bare chested, just that Brainbox’s case was better than mine because he had his trousers on, while i had given mine as a birthday gift to the hungry Flies that perched on it in the bush.

As we walked close to our gate, i saw Kate walking towards us. It seemed Brainbox saw her before me, so he quickly hid behind Nkiru’s shop. It happened so fast that i couldn’t hide.

“where are you coming from dressed like this?” Kate asked. “ehnnn, i am coming fron ehnnn, i went jogging” I stammered. She stared at me from the crown of my head to the sole of feet without altering a word.

As she walked passed me, i noticed her a”ss almost tore the tight Mini Skirt she wore. She gave my d’ick a gift of a picture perfect parting frame.

And my d’ick grew taller, forming a mountain curve.

If you are a guy, you would agree with me that in your boxers sometimes you would find ropes hanging inside, the ropes were used to sew the boxers.

Ropes that the manufacturers intentionally left as a trap to curb those guys that always have hard on.

These ropes were in the boxers i wore that day.

As i took two steps forward, i noticed that the mountain my d’ick made gave me difficulty in walking, so i quickly dipped my hand into my boxers to adjust my d’ick, unknown to me that the ropes in my Boxers had coiled round my erected d’ick.

“aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” I cried.

My Iroko tree had been cut down. Or so i tot.

“is anything the problem?” I heard Kate asked.

“no oh, everything is alright, nothing has been cut down” I cried out.

“but Man you sabi run oh, see as you tear race when those guys dey pursue you for bush yesterday” I said the next morning as we sat outside. “after, Nigeria go dey say dem dey look for person wey go run for Olympics, when person like you wey go win gold medal dey here” Brainbox teased and we laughed.

“Flow make we go smoke Igboh for Paapa place na” Man said few minutes later. “dis kin early morning wey nothing don enter our mouth nahim we go go smoke?” I queried. “nahim dey good pass na, so that your brain wey sleep yesterday night go wake up, and ur brain go sharp well well” Man lectured.

The Igbohlistic nature of Man was becoming worrisome. Yes, Flow also smoked, but Man was “The Chimney”. This could not be likened to the saying; “Kettle calling Pot black”, it was more of; “Plate calling Pot black”.

My grandmum once told me that; “whatever a young Man wakes up in the morning thinking, that thing would either Make him or Mar him”.

Few minutes later, I, Man and Tupac were on our way to Paapa’s place.

We were involved in a roof raising argument about the football match we watched the previous night as we walked to Paapa’s place.

We got to Paapa’s place and met Ade smoking alone.

“so Ade you dey reach here!!” I said shaking hands with him. “i dey reach here oh, na only by dis time i dey get chance to enter here before i go work” Ade informed.

I smoked with so much Joy that day because i was happy i had being making big time profit in my Jewelleries business lately, thanks to Florence.

Within a twinkle of an eye Man had finished smoking the wrap of weed he held, so he said; “where Paapa dey na? make him come give us more igboh”.

I wouldn’t blame him for finishing the wrap of weed so fast, the weed was tasty. Maybe it was because we smoked it before breakfast.

One thing was certain, we would eat a mountain of Eba for breakfast, as we were inviting hunger.

What made me vowed never to Smoke weed before breakfast was a bitter experience that happened when i was in school.

I smoked excess weed one morning and hunger came knocking. My stomach started singing songs of praise, the worms in my stomach started dancing brake dance.

If that was all, it would had been great, my eyes spun like a Big wheel. I was seeing things.

I was so hungry that i saw Sand as Garri. I saw myself walking on Garri. I saw Everybody walking on Garri. That meant that the Cosmos was abundantly blessed with Garri.

Were it not for my room mate that bought me something to eat, i would had munched a handfull of Sand thinking it was a handfull of Garri.

“Flow take dis money, go knock for Paapa door, buy more Igboh come, e be like say him and him wife dey do Jangolova inside room” Man said offering me money.

“where you dey go?” Man asked me. “I dey go where you say make i go na” I replied. “Smoke that Igboh wey dey ur hand finish na” Man said. “guy, i go carry am go like dat jor” I replied. “people go see you say you dey smoke Igboh oh, no fall ur hand oh” Man warned.

I thought what he was saying was rubbish, so i left holding the wrap of weed. Not just holding it, but smoking it also.

I knocked at Paapa’s door severally and there was no response. I seemed to me that there was nobody in the room.

So i continued smoking my wrap of weed in the compound.

“so you smoke!!” I heard someone said. I turned back swiftly, and i saw nobody, i looked left, and i saw nobody, i looked right, still i saw nobody.

“who talk that thing?” I asked myself.

“So you smoke?” I heard again. Since there was nobody around me, i concluded it was the voice an Angel.

“I swear, i no go ever smoke again, Angel abeg forgive me” I replied the Angel looking up to the sky.

“so you smoke! I will tell the Pastor” The voice repeated.

Nobody told me to run.

I ran as if my life depended on my running.

I ran to an extent and stopped abruptly.

I stopped because it had dawned on me that i wasn’t speaking to an Angel, i was speaking to Gabriella.

Gabriella, the lady in our church choir.

I recalled that Gabriella had once shown me her room.

Her room was opposite Paapa’s room.

It dawned on me instantly that she wanted to scare me a bit by speaking to me through the Window.

She was the Angel. Angel Gabriella.

To Be Continued…

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