A story written by Flow1759… If you missed part Fifty Six, read it HERE!!!
“guy i pity Tega oh, that O”femmanu Officer don lock am up for 2days now” I said as we walked to Ade’s barber’s shop.
Yes, Ade’s barber’s shop was where we were headed to. And don’t ask me what we were going there to do, because if you ask me my answer would be, “when we reach there you go know”.
“but Flow ehnnn Tega put you for small wahala that day oh, sotey u begin dey mess like mumu” Brainbox said. “una dey Mad, una no fit tell them say no be me be Tega abi” I said. “if we tell them, them no go believe us na, and we want make dem show you pepper small” Man said, and they both laughed.
“But after we go where we dey go now, make we try reach police station go see Tega” Man suggested. “yes we go go, we go even buy food for canteen go give am” I said. “when him dey chop that O”femmanu Officer kporkpor, him give me chop? I no go follow una go abeg” Brainbox said.
“but you dey chop the things wey him dey bring come house abi?” I queried, “how i no go chop? Shey you no see as him cause make them carry all of us for Police Van go Police station? Like say we be thief” Brainbox said, “but them no do us anything for Police station na, them just free us” I reminded him. “na because Tega beg the O”femmanu Officer nahim make she free us” Man said.
“but women wicked oh, see as Tega dey for station since Two days now because of say him no wan dey wayah the O”femmanu Officer again” I said.
“Man, na Ade place we dey go so, we go tell am say make him help u market them ur necklace” I informed. “Flow eeeh! You be correct man, my mind no even go there” Man said.
“u go let Brainbox use Yoruba tell am, as Brainbox sabi speak Yoruba” I said. “no wahala” Man agreed.
We got to Ade’s shop to meet Ade seating alone wearing a gloomy face. Quite unusual. “Ade how market na?” Man asked. “Market bad oh, market bad well well” Ade replied.
That was the first time since i knew Ade that his barber’s shop was without customers. “abi na because Paco don open barbing salon near your own?” Man said. “i no know why oh, e be like say people no like my hair cut again, i no know wetin dey happen oh” Ade said with a frown.
“you know wetin dey happen abeg, your Otumorkpor no dey work again, your friend Paco don pack all ur customers with him Ibo Otumorkpor wey pass ur O”femmanu Otumorkpor” I almost said.
Otumorkpor is an Ibo slang which means a diabolic means of gaining customers by V’oodoo.
Paco was Ade’s best friend, who Ade taught how to cut hair, the same Paco was on the verge of chasing Ade out of the business.
Well, like they say, “no Champion forever”. But it really breaks one’s heart when the successor to one’s Championship is his/her best friend.
Well, like they say in Ibo, “O bu onye ma mmadu ga egbu mmadu”. Meaning, “no one else can bring you down, but your best friend”.
“Flow eeeeeh! see that my waka about shoe wey those MOPO thief” Man suddenly said tapping me on my shoulder. I turned and saw that not only his waka about shoe was on display, my Codosa shoe was also on display.
“Ade who sell this two shoe for you” I asked holding both shoes. “na one boy like that, the boy black, shey una like the shoe?” Ade said. “the two shoe na our shoe wey thief come theif for our house” Man said, “nawa oh, but una know say this my shop nahim people dey come sell things wey them thief, una suppose understand” Ade said with his voice unsteady.
Something in his eyes told me he was lying.
As Brainbox was telling Ade our reason for coming, i tried recalling the voice that informed the two MOPO in our room to leave the room on the night of the murder of Chief Ogbonna.
The voice really sounded like Ade’s voice. If i could recollect well, this was what that MOPO said; “MOPO!! Make we dey go, we don kill am”.
Goose pimple grew all over my body on the thought of Ade having a hand in Chief Ogbonna’s murder.
To add salt to the injury, Ade hardly talks to us when we come to cut our hair lately. Unlike before that he would gist us heaven and earth of the happenings within the vicinity.
Was Ade a MOPO? Why would he want Chief Ogbonna dead? Who sent them to kill Chief Ogbonna? I asked myself all these questions that only Time could answer.
Ade finally agreed to help Man market his Jewelleries and he collected almost all of what was left of Man’s Jewelleries.
“Ade keep that waka about shoe for me oh, i go come buy am” Man said as we left Ade’s shop.
Few minutes walk and we were at Mama Calabar canteen to buy the food we were to go give Tega in the Police cell. And also to fill our stomach.
“una travel? I never see una since” Mama Calabar said happily. “yes we travel” I replied.
As we walked out of Mama Calabar canteen to board a bus that would take us to the Police Station, i was glad we were fulfulling the part of the Holy Bible that says; “when i was in prison you came to visit me, what so ever you do to the least of my Brethen, that you do unto me”.
“who una dey find?” A policeman asked us as we got to the Police station. “na our friend wey dem lock here on Tuesday” I replied. “him name na Tega, we wan come give am food, and we wan see am sef” Man said.
As the policeman brought Tega out, i was shocked to see that Tega had grown skinny, and his neck was as tiny as a broomstick. “guy una forget me abi?” Tega said, “we no forget you oh, we just dey busy, and we no want make dem arrest us join” Man said. “guys, make una help me beg Officer Bimpe make she release me na” Tega pleaded. “when you dey enjoy kpormor, we follow you chop” Brainbox f’oolishly said.
We left the station without pleading to Officer Bimpe on Tega’s behalf oweing to the fact that we were scared. “but we for help Tega beg that Officer Bimpe make she release am na” Man said as we walked home. “guy, that O”femmanu Officer wicked oh, she fit arrest all of us oh” I said. “if to say una wan go beg her, i for no follow una” Brainbox stated.
As we were a few metres close to reaching home, my phone suddenly rang, i recieved the call.
It was Florence, she wanted me to come supply her more Jewelleries, that she had sold all the Jewelleries she was it. I told her i would come later, because i needed to poo, my stomach was running 100metres.
“guys, una belle dey do una wetin my belle dey do me so?” I said. “yeeeh! make we rush go house, s’hit wan comot for my nyash” Brainbox complained. “me sef ooooooh!” Man cried.
“e be like say na that rice and beans wey we chop for Mama Calabar place, e be like say the beans don spoil” I said.
As we hastened our steps, something came to my mind, that thing albeit funny but it was the truth. Who would first use the toilet while the others wait on a queue? So i said, “guy na me go first use toilet oh, na me s’hit dey worry pass”, “na me oh, my own s’hit don dey comot” Man cried. “make una two go use our Toilet, me i go go use dem Bigie own” Brainbox said.
I know as you read, you would be suggesting in your mind why don’t we use Bush water closet? That was a no-go-area.
Since Baba jay was caught by Nekede youths when he went to poo in the bush one day, we had all vowed never to poo in the bush again. According to Baba jay, the Nekede youths told him to either pack his poo with his bare hands, or pay 500naira fine. He went for the latter, that was after he was beaten blue black.
Bigie’s case was milder than Baba jay’s, he was given a “fair” option to either have a taste his poo or pay a fine of 1000naira.
Seeing the draconian measures the dreaded Nekede youths had taken to protect their Farmlands, we promised ourselves never to go near their farmlands. Albeit, every nook and cranny was a farmland to them.
Infact, It was better one poo on his/her clothes than to poo in their farmlands. Or so i tot.
We practically raced home to meet our worst nightmare.
“Baba jay wetin dey smell for this room na?” I asked as i dashed into the room. “na our Toilet oh, the soakaway don full, s’hit water nahim full our Toilet” Baba jay replied. “na lie!!” I doubted and ran into the Toilet to see for myself.
Lo and behold i met an eyesore, the toilet was flooded with dirty, smelling water. Even though my stomach was running, there was no way i could poo in such flooded toilet, unless i wanted to drown.
“Flow na true?” Man asked as i ran out of the toilet. “guy na true oh” I replied. “wetin we go do now, make we follow Brainbox go s’hit for them Bigie toilet” Man suggested. “them Bigie no dey house, Pkc don carry two of them go church” Baba jay informed. “na lie!!” I doubted.
As I ran outside, i comfirmed that Baba jay was saying nothing but the truth when i saw Brainbox running towards me.
“dem Bigie no dey?” I asked Brainbox. “dem no dey oh, guy i don die, s’hit don dey comot for my nyash, e no go better for Mama Calabar” Brainbox cried bitterly. “guy our Toilet don full, we no go fit s’hit there” I informed Brainbox. “and Papa Ejima them no dey, their door dey lock, even Kate sef” Brainbox said. “even if them dey, their Toilet sef go don full, Haruna don call people wey dey pack s’hit for tanker, dem say dem dey come” Baba jay informed.
“we no go fit wait make dem come, make una take paper make we enter bush” Man said offering us a sheet of paper each.
I strayed my eyes to Brainbox’s legs as he collected the paper from Man. He was dancing. If it were to be now, i would reffer to the dance step as Etighi. “see as s’hit dey make you dance like mumu” I almost said.
As we walked or rather ran out of the compound, i took a glimpse at the paper i held, it was a hard paper, it looked more like hardcover paper. Such paper could tear my a”sshole wider. It was the direct opposite of tissue paper.
I took a glimpse at the sheets of paper Man and Brainbox held. And i noticed mine was thicker than their’s.
That was less a problem.
The problem at that moment was if our poo would land us in Big poo.
To Be Continued…