A story written by Flow1759… If you missed part Fifty Four, read it HERE!!!
“oboy how far na?” I greeted Man who i saw on my way to the Boutique. “where you dey go na?” Man asked me. “Follow me na, when we reach there you go know” I answered.
“you dey sell so?” I asked Man. “guy na only two necklace i don sell since we start this business oh” Man said with a frown. “how you go do am na? and Tupac say na next tomorrow him go go market, and him go like make we give am the money of the one wey we don sell” I said. “i go give am the money of the one wey i don sell na” Man said.
As we walked ahead, we say Brainbox, “Brainbox!! Brainbox!!” I called. Immediately the Ladies walking behind us heard me shouting Brainbox, they started Laughing. “why are u Ladies laughing?” i asked. “what kind of name is that?” One of them said. “its a Chinese name” I replied.
Truely, Brainbox really looked Chinese except for his Oblong head.
“how your market na?” I asked Brainbox as he came close. “oboy i don sell well well oh, i enter one female hostel, guy the girls for there just dey rush me, sotey some of them no even know when them begin touch my p’rick” Brainbox said.
“so as them dey touch ur p’rick, wetin you com do?” I inquired. “guy i no do anything oh, u know say na business i com for na, i no com for play” Brainbox replied. “you sure?” Man queried, “i sure na, but only say my p’rick stand small” Brainbox replied and we laughed.
As we entered the boutique, we met this hefty hunk, “Chiarman we wan buy shoe” I said. “whick kin shoe be that?” He asked. “choose any one you like here” he gestured.
I saw a fine shoe that was written “Kedu” “made in Italy”. The kedu sounded like an Italian name, so i asked for the price and paid.
After i had paid, it instantly dawned on me that there was a place called Aba. Spiritually, i saw “made in Italy” changed to “made in Aba”.
Spiritually also, i interpreted “Kedu” as “How are you” in Ibo Language.
I had played the sucker. The shoe was made in the Federal Republic of Aba. It was even given an Ibo name. KEDU.
“e be like say me sef go buy shoe oh, i no get shoe, since that day wey those MOPO come pack all our shoe, na Tupac shoe i just dey wear since” Brainbox said.
He too picked a fine shoe.
When i saw the name of the Shoe he picked, i realized my case was far better than his.
The name of the shoe he picked was Abania and it was made in Abania.
As we waited for change after paying, I saw from the corner of my eyes that Brainbox was admiring the beautiful wrist watches on display.
I heard Man cajoling the Boutique owner to help him market his jewelleries.
Before i could say Jack Robinson, the Boutique owner agreed to help him market the Jewelleries.
From the corner of my eyes, i saw something went into Brainbox’s mouth.
Suddenly, “hmmmmmmm, moke weeeeh deeeey go” Brainbox tapped me and said what i could hardly hear.
I used my Brain to figure that Brainbox wanted us to go home, so i rushed to collect our change.
As Brainbox continued gesturing for us to leave, i was pondering why he was so much in a haste to leave. Not until i saw how his cheeks bulged.
That was when i realized a wrist watch was in his mouth.
“Flow i go like join this una business oh” Baba jay said as we sat in a bar drinking one evening. “you go fit do dis kin business?” Man queried. “i go fit do am na” Baba jay assured.
I was imagining Baba jay selling necklace to a customer and suddenly Epilepsy attack struck. The customer would either run, ran or raned. Or all of the above.
After we had taken 4bottles each, some of us still took one for the road.
As we staggered home, our discussions were mainly r’ubbish. Some were building castle in the air of how they would be the richest man in Nigeria come what may, while others were building castle on land without foundation of how they would be the Nigerian Snoop Dogg.
“guys i go be the best musician for Nigeria, check me out, Snoop Black for life” Snoop said. “Snoop Black nahim be ur stage name?” Tupac asked. “yes na, na correct name na” Snoop replied.
“guys make we chop ABC this night na” Man suggested. “so only four bottles of Gulder wey you drink nahim make u wan mad, dem dey chop ABC?” Brainbox said. “no mind am, him no know ABC when him dey Nursery school nahim make him wan chop ABC now wey him don grow” I said.
“una no understand wetin ABC mean? ABC mean Akara, Bread and Coke” Snoop explained.
Akara, Bread and Coke. A perfect blend indeed.
“ok i go pay for the Akara” I volunteered. “me go pay for the Bread” Tupac volunteered. “i go pay for the Coke” Brainbox volunteered.
I was sure the A and B would come, but i wasn’t sure the C would complete the alphabetical meal. Because, Brainbox would not possibly pay for Seven bottles of Coca Cola. Unless his name wasn’t Brainbox but Doolina.
We bought the Akara and Bread from Mama Chigbo, not by L107, but Legally.
As we headed straight to Nkiru’s shop to buy or rather L107 the Coke, my liver was turning Lily gradually.
I walked in Front boldly. Inspired by Five bottles of Udeme.
“Nkiru how market?” Brainbox said “as i take fine naso my market fine” Nkiru answered. “who dey decieve you say you fine? Your face wey be like s’hit wey dem fire catapult” I almost said.
Meanwhile, Tupac was loudly playing “Califonia Love” by Tupac Amaru Shakur on his phone.
“you be fine woman na” Baba jay who was dancing to the music said.
“make i help you hold this ur fine pekin” I offered. As she handed her baby to me, i closed my eyes praying to God for the Baby not to infect me with u’gliness.
“make we dance na” Baba jay said grabbing Nkiru. I couldn’t tell the kind of dance Baba jay and Nkiru were dancing, if it was Salsa or Atilogu. We all cheered their funny dance step. Not we all, Brainbox was cheering something else. Mischief.
I felt something cold slid into my pocket. I looked and saw that it was a bottle of Coca cola.
Brainbox was at it again.
I watched keenly as he slid a bottle each into everybody’s pocket, except for Bigie that he slid Four bottles because his trousers had so many pockets.
Baba jay continued dancing with Nkiru without thinking of the consequencies of his action. Maybe it wasn’t him dancing, but the Star beer he drank.
The Boss suddenly came from nowhere. Haruna the Boss.
“walahi talai!! I don die today” He yelled. He never meant he was dead, he meant Baba jay was dead. “I” in Hausa intonation was mostly replaced by “You” and vice versa.
As he grabbed Baba jay by his shirt firmly, i prayed for Baba jay. My prayer was for his punishment to be mild.
“I dey dance with my wife ba? I dey mad?” Haruna thundered. “your own don finish today” Haruna threatened.
The next sound i heard was, “gbooooooaaaaaaaa!!” Haruna smashed a bottle on Baba jay’s head.
I turned to see that the other guys had disappeared. They ran with the speed of light because they knew what Haruna was capable of.
Why i couldn’t run was because of the baby or rather monkey i held.
“Nkiru abeg take dis ur monkey” i couldn’t caution my mouth not to say that.
As i handed over the Monkey to her Ape mother, i saw that the Bottle Haruna smashed on Baba jay’s head created little or no injury to his head.
Maybe it was because his head was as hard as rock.
“abeg sir, abeg oga Haruna, na play i just dey play with ur wife” i heard Baba jay pleading as i ran.
Or rather, I raned.
To Be Continued…