A story written by Flow1759… If you missed part Forty Seven, read it HERE!!!
“Man go put the Igboh for the food before e go done” I whispered to Man as we entered the room.
It was a full house, Pkc was around. He was studying the word of God.
Spagetti and Beans was the Menu.
Spagetti and Beans!! What a combination. When it was Baba jay’s turn to cook, we were sure of such combinations as; Rice and Bread, Noodles and soup, Yam and Rice, and Spagetti and Beans.
Man returned from the kitchen with a smile, that meant he had added the whole 500naira Igboh to the food. “wetin you go do for kitchen? Hope say u no go chop small of the food?” Baba jay said to Man. “no, i go drink water” Man replied.
It was time. Time to eat. Time for highness.
Legend has it that Igboh in a food adds sweetness.
“guy dis food sweet oh” Snoop said. “yeah, its very Delicious” Pkc said. At that moment, i felt remorseful for the evil I and Man had done, not to every other person, but to Pkc. The beloved Pkc.
As we continued eating, Man lit a candle to light up the dark room. Brainbox instantly shouted, “up NEPA!!”. We laughed an unending laugh. The Igboh in the food had started telling on him, because only such could make one call candle light electricity supply.
As usual, Pkc was eating alone, while the rest of us ate in twos.
I and Tega was eating from the same plate, when all of a sudden, he said, “Flow pepper plenty for this food oh”. “na Igboh dey pepper you, no be pepper” I almost said.
Drama was unfolding gradually.
From the corner of my eyes i saw Pkc took off his singlet, and said, “dis place is hot”. “e no hot, na Igboh make am hot for you” I almost said. Hot indeed. Hot when the night was cold.
A cloud of Dizziness clouded the room.
Baba jay was first to fall asleep, followed by Tega.
Next was Mr Brain, I guessed his brain wasn’t strong enough to go any further.
It seemed the Igboh Man added to the food was much. 500naira Igboh was like 1000naira Igboh.
Pkc was still eating. Eating, smiling and at the same time studying the Bible.
I was about taking my last spoon, when i saw Pkc removed his boxers and stood up. He was totally n”aked.
I initially tot he wanted to go take his bath.
But he wasn’t walking towards the bathroom, he was walking towards the door.
“make him go baf outside na, wetin concern me” I told myself.
Not until he said, “let me go and preach the gospel to people, i want to tell them the n”aked truth”.
“Flow make una come make we hold am oh, him don dey run mad oh” Man yelled as he clung to Pkc.
“make una bring water oh, bring water make we pour for him head” Man yelled.
Snoop joined Man to firmly hold Pkc while i ran to the bathroom to get water.
I wasn’t thinking straight, so i grabbed the nearest bucket i saw in the bathroom. And i hurried out without looking at the content of the bucket.
I splashed the content of the bucket on not only Pkc, but Man and Snoop also
Yes, the content of the bucket was water. Bad water and Boxers.
It was the same bucket Baba jay soaked his boxers on. His old rugged boxers.
The water was very dirty wasn’t what made me laughed.
What made me laughed was how three boxers hung on their heads.
They were crowned Kings. Crown with boxers. Pkc looked more like Oba of Benin with a brown boxers on his head. Man looked more like Oba of Lagos with a yellowish white boxers on his head. Snoop looked more like Sultan of Sokoto with a Blue torn boxers on his head.
How we were able to heal Pkc of his near madness was God’s intervention. If not for God, how would the Garri and Palm oil we feed him had worked?
“guy which shoe person go wear go church sef” I said that morning as i was preparing for Church. “no wear my shoe oh” Tega warned. “no wear my shoe oh” Snoop also warned.
“guy make we go tell Tupac and Bigie make dem find us shoe” Man said to me. And we left to their room.
We came back with two pairs of u’gly, shabby, old shoes.
Man polished both shoes while i took my bath.
Soon we were off to church. Lucky enough, as we stood at the bus stop waiting for a bus, a church member of ours stopped and gave us a lift in his Armanda jeep. Mehn! I felt the journey to church should continue forever, because the car air conditioner gave me a heavenly pleasure.
Luck shone on me in church that day. Gabriella sat by my side. I wondered why she didn’t sing in Choir that Sunday. Maybe it was because she came late, or maybe she couldn’t make it to the Choir rehearsals, or both.
Just when i said i was glad i sat by the side of Angel Gabriella, a Demon came to seat by my right side. Baba jay the Demon of fart.
As the Preacher began the sermon, from time to time i turned left to stare at the beautiful face of Gabriella. From time to time i also turned to ask her for the Bible passages the Preacher said, just for me to admire her the more.
I dared not turned right to meet the u’gly face of Baba jay. His face was bad luck.
The church was as silent as a graveyard, as everybody listened keenly to the interesting sermon.
I was gladly listening to the interesting sermon when i heard a sound, “braaaaa braaaaaa prooooo!!”. I initially tot it was the drummer that hit the drum set.
“braaaaa braaaaaa braaaaaa!!” the sound broke the silence again. This time, Gabriella turned to me, i tot she was admiring me just the way i admired her, so i smiled.
I was on cloud nine. She was falling for me, so i tot.
She returned my smile with an eyeball. “wetin i do na?” I said to myself.
People seated around started staring at me. In their faces were written fury. “wetin i do una na” I said to myself.
Suddenly a stench started radiating around me. I initially tot i had mistakenly fart, not until i heard, “praaaa praaaaaaa proooooo!!” agian.
It instantly dawned on me that Baba jay had done his worse.
The Guiness book of record holder for best fart.
Gabriella and some other people that sat close to me had concluded it was no one else but me that gave out the fart, with the way they stared at me, and the way they placed their hands to cover their nose.
I also covered my nose with my hands so as not to arose any further suspicion. It was of no use because Gabriella already believed i did it. The look on her face was as if she should give me a dirty slap.
As she continued staring at me, i was pointing a finger at Baba jay indicating he did it and not me. But Gabriella still thought i did it.
As service ended, before i knew it, Gabriella dashed out of my sight as if i had a contagious disease. “i go kill Baba jay today” I said to myself.
I quickly turned right to see that Baba jay had fled.
I wept bitterly.
Just when i thought that was enough weeping for the day.
Weeping came to me like Bee to nectar.
As i took a step, i realised my right leg was lighter than my left leg. Maybe Baba jay’s fart had paralysed my right leg, or so i tot.
Not until i took another step with my right leg and it still persist. I practically limped. I quickly glanced at my right leg.
And i saw the problem wasn’t my leg but my shoes.
The sole of my right shoe had pulled out. I quickly turned and saw it on the floor close to the seat i sat.
That was a Sunday too many.
To Be Continued…