A story written by Flow1759… If you missed part Forty Five, read it HERE!!!
On our way home, “Man make we enter Okada, dis my leg dey pain me” I cried bitterly.
Not only was my leg hurting, my stomach was running also.
“Flow i dey pulge oh, e get as my belle dey do me oh” Man complained. “me sef oh” I added. “how una belle no go do una anyhow, when una dey chop Ibo Kpormor una no know” Brainbox said.
“guy make we enter bush go sh’it na” I suggested. “but wetin we go use clean nyash na?” Man queried. “no worry we go use leaf” I assured.
I and Man walked, or rather I limped and Man walked into the bush while Brainbox stood at the roadside waiting for us. “make una do quick oh” Brainbox said.
Since the bush we entered was a bit far from our place of work, so it would be rare for anybody we knew to see us. Or so i tot.
Albeit, it wasn’t a thick but a shallow bush. Shallow that passers by would easily sight us from a distance.
But we cared not. Let them see, as far as we were doing ourselves the good of freeing ourselves of the troubles in vivo.
I got a spot to poo in no time. Since the poo was almost coming out of my a’nus, i quickly brought down my trousers and the watery poo came running down.
Running down like water from a tap. It was running down, and i cared not to know where it rested.
“mehn dis my s’hit dey smell no be small” I said. Man heard what i said from a distance and replied, “me sef oh, my own dey smell, Mama Calabar don finish us oh”.
My poo suddenly stopped coming out, so i pushed hard like a pregnant woman delivering, it came out, but it seemed it was dragging my Large intestine along.
Throughout the “exercise” i never thought it right to take a glimpse at the mountain that came out of my system.
Not until i was about standing up to leave.
I tried standing up, but something dragged me back.
I turned to meet an u’gly sight.
All the while, my trousers had been my toilet.
I had pood on my trousers.
Not an ordinary poo. But a “sky scrapper” poo.
Part of my poo on the floor formed a bungalow, while the rest on my trousers formed a sky scrapper.
“Man!! Man!!” i yelled at the top of my voice. “wetin na?” he responded.
“i don s’hit for my trouser eeh” I cried out.
“guy u go go house with only boxers be that oh” Man stated as he came to see the funny sight. Funny, yet he never laughed.
I was to go home with just boxers wasn’t the problem, the problem was that my boxers was torn.
“and me i no wear boxers here, i for give you, i no dey like wear boxers come do kponkpon” Man said.
We left the bush, leaving my designers jeans trouser and the sky scrapper poo.
“guy where ur trouser na?” Brainbox asked me as we came out. “guy i s’hit on top am, i don leave am there” I replied. Brainbox almost laughed his way into the express way.
“guy make we enter bike dey go house, i no want make anybody see me with this boxers oh” I said.
In no time, we waved at a bike and it stopped. Three of us were to enter just one bike. Man sat on the bike first, Brainbox was next.
And as i raised my right leg up to seat on the bike, my worst nightmare came to pass.
“braaaaaaaa!!” i initially tot it was the sound of my fart. Not until my d’ick came dangling out of a hole.
It was then i realized my boxers had turned a Skirt.
“Tupac so this kin business you dey do, nahim u no tell us since” Man said as we sat in Tupac’s Room, “nahim i dey do oh, u know say no be everybody dey sabi dis kin bussiness na, nahim make me no tell una” Tupac said, “guy na me be Flow, e no get any job wey i no go fit do, i no be Doolina na” I said.
“guys dis business make sense oh, if u buy on necklace for like 500naira, u go sell am for like 1200naira, but na if you fit yan wella make people buy” Tupac added. “guy i don tell you say we no be Doolina, we go fit do am” I said.
Doolina was a slang we said back then in school to reffer to a Dullard. If someone was a dullard, we would say the person was not a Chelsea Fc fan or a Manchester united fan but a Doolina Fc fan.
“make una no worry if i go Onitsha go buy more market, i go introduce una to the business” Tupac informed.
We left Tupac’s room to meet Tega drinking Dry gin in our room. He and Baba jay were very high, i could tell. High on 501.
Legend has it that dry gin reduces one’s lifespan and makes one looks older than his/her age. But in Tega’s case, the reverse was the case, he was growing younger with every passing day. And more handsome also.
“guy you just drink Tramadol and you wan still drink dry gin, e be like say you no like ur heart?” I told Man who was already gulping the dry gin as if it was ordinary water. “guy bone dat thing, you no know say na the dry gin go make the Tramadol work well” Man said.
Before i knew it, all my friends were drinking the dry gin. i was really tempted to take a sip. just a sip.
30minutes later, they were on their second bottle, “make i just follow una drink small na” I said and joined them.
Small soon turned Big, Big soon turned Bigger, Bigger soon turned Biggest, I was soon drinking with the Biggest cup.
What i never knew was that, inasmuch as we would all run mad, i would be the Biggest mad man.
To Be Continued…