A story written by Flow1759… If you missed part Thirty Seven, read it HERE!!!
“Ade how far, we wan buy phone, come arrange us anyhow phone” Man said as we got to Ade’s Barbars shop.
It was the same Ade we had a hair cut in his shop last week, but what i wanted to know was how he became a phone dealer.
“which type una want na, the ones wey be 1500 or 1000, abi na the ones wey be 500?” Ade said. “So 500naira phone dey? Abi na charger him mean?” I asked myself.
“Ade bring 1000naira own for dis my friend, me na 500naira own i wan arrange” Man said to Ade.
Ade went in and came out with two bags, “dis na the 1000naira own, dis na the 500naira own, make una choose the one wey una want” Ade handed us the bags.
I tot the phones for 1000naira would all be an eyesaw. They weren’t that bad. They were the kind of phone I could get for 3000naira in the market. My question was, where Ade got all these phones from. A question i promised myself i would ask Man after we might had left Ade’s shop, atleast he wouldn’t respond his usual way.
I selected a Nokia torch phone, so did Man, but Man’s own was held together with a rubber band. Apart from that, no much difference between our phones, or so i tot.
“Oga Ade, give me 50k for dis Laptop, na Hp laptop be dis oh” Bigie was bargaining with Ade. “i don tell you say na 40k i go give you, one guy don come dis morning na 35k i buy dis type laptop for him hand, na because u be my customer nahim make me put the price for 40k, if not na 35k i for buy am” Ade said.
Wow!! I was swept off my foot. How on earth could such a “clean” laptop be sold for 40k or even 50k? Was i dreaming? Ade was really a good business man, little wonder he had a Volk wagen Golf car parked outside.
“Man where Ade dey get all these phones na?” I asked as we left Ade’s shop. “na people dey come sell them the phone to am na, see ehen, e no get anything for dis life wey u no fit buy for Ade shop, even if u wan buy motor sef him go sell for you” Man explained.
“Bigie as you don get 40k for your pocket, carry us go drink na, no be bad thing na” Man said, “no be 40k Ade give me, na 30k, him say if him sell the laptop him go give me the remaining 10k, but anyhow sha i go carry una go drink, una be my correct guys na” Bigie said. “Bigie yor!!” “Bigie yor!!” We hailed.
That was one thing i loved Bigie for. Though he was a notorious pilferer, he had a open hands, he gives to people in need. Maybe that was the reason why he was hardly caught in the stealing act. Man had told I and Brainbox few days ago that whenever we are in need of money, we should go to Bigie, he never lacked money. He was like the Bank amongst us. “when u don owe am money for long time, him go dash u the money, him no go collect am again” were the exact words Man used in describing how Bigie was benevolent in nature. No wonder he never lacked, Nature’s law must stand: “blessed is the hands that giveth”, even if the hands giveth a stolen money.
We were on our third bottle, when all of a sudden Bigie counted out some of the money and stamped it on the table, i initially tot the money was for the drinks, until he said, “make una two manage this money”. “Bigie yor!! Bigie yor!!” we cheered.
We were on our fifth bottle and it was getting dark, when all of a sudden a guy came walking towards us, i initially tot he was the waiter, maybe it was because i was very high. “ehen, wetin u want? We never drink finish, if we drink finish we go pay you” I said.
“u dey mad? i resemble bar man for you eye” the guy replied me.
All of a sudden, the guy grabbed Bigie by his shirt and said, “God don catch u today, where my laptop?”. “i no take ur laptop, go find who take ur laptop” Bigie replied as i could see fear in his eyes.
“bros him don tell u say him no take ur laptop, leave am na” Man said.
Before i could say Jack Robinson, the guy smashed a bottle on the floor and said, “i go chok u dis bottle if u no mind ur business” he was reffering to Man.
Before i could say another Jack Robinson, the guy’s friends came to join him speaking language.
We were doomed.
I tried my best not to say another Jack Robinson before i ran or rather “raned” according to Man.
Man raned also.
We left the benevolent Bigie to carry his cross, afterall we weren’t there when he stole the Laptop.
We got home to meet Pkc. Just Pkc and Baba jay.
“Pkc u no sleep for church today?” Man asked a n’onesense question.
“i was told u guys were robbed, and Chief Ogbonna was killed” Pkc said, “naso we see am oh, dem those M’umu come kill that good man oh” Man said. “what a pity, may his Soul rest in peace” Pkc said.
“Since i came back something had been smelling in this room, a very bad Odour” Pkc said.
For real, the room was smelling.
“hmnnnnn Abi rat don die?” Man said, “if na rat die make we look for am na” Baba jay said.
As we begane searching, Man said, “how rat go die when we no put rat poison?” “you no know say some of the rubbish food wey we dey chop for dis house, if rat chop am, the rat go die?” I said.
“but wait oh, the thing no dey smell like rat wey die oh, e dey smell like s’hit, abi person s’hit for toilet wey no flush am?” Man said. “i have checked the toilet, it is well flushed” Pkc responded.
As we continued searching what seemed like a fruitless search, Man suddenly said, “Flow na for inside ur Bag the rat die, na from there the smell dey come from”. “Man u dey mad, how rat go die for my bag na? na ur bag nahim rat go die, no be my bag” I cursed.
“Flow na true oh, na from ur bag the smell dey come from” Baba jay confirmed.
I came closer and dragged my bag with the tip of my finger.
At that moment, Pkc walked out, maybe he ran for his dear Lungs. because the smell in the room could damage not only the Lungs but the Kidney also.
“hmnnnnnn!!!” “hmnnnnnnn!!” was the noise Man and Baba jay made trying to catch their breathe.
“why you pour spit for my body na?” I yelled at Man who spat on me. “no vex abeg, na because of the smell” Man replied. “so my body nahim be the thing wey dey smell? So na my body the rat wey die dey abi?” I queried Man. “e be like say your body sef don follow dey smell oh” Man said, and i quickly percieved my cloth to comfirm if what he said was true.
“my cloth no dey smell like rat wey die abeg, me wey i spray Tega perfume for dis shirt” I said.
“Flow open the bag na, make we know wetin dey smell for inside” Baba said.
“nahim i wan open so” I replied and my hand went for the zip of the bag.
As i opened the bag, the stench that flew to my nose was the kind of stench that could not only damage one’s Lungs and Kidney, but shutdown one’s entire symtem.
I couldn’t tell the bad spirit that made me hurriedly dipped my hand into the bag without thinking.
My hand came in contact with something that i assumed could be Eba or over done Beans.
I brought out my hand to see it wasn’t Eba, neither was it over done Beans.
It was poo.
Someone had pood on my bag.
Who else could it be if not Brainbox.
Brainbox, the King of mischief.
Man and Baba jay laughed their way out of the room.
I instantly recalled Brainbox threat, “Flow i go show you”. He had done his worse.
Like a pidgin English Adage goes: “first to do, e no dey pain, last to do nahim dey pain”. And the English version of the same Adage goes: “He who laughs last, laughs best”
To Be Continued…