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-Man Wey Dey Reason

Must Read: Man Wey Dey Reason… Part 37

A story written by Flow1759… If you missed part Thirty Six, read it HERE!!!

“Private Foxy!!”, “Yes sir!”. “Corporal Rap maestro!!”, “yes sir!” “Sergeant 4kizo!”, “yes sir!”. All of u should take Bigflamie to the guard room, deal with him seriously, make una give am hot jollof rice chop, una hear me? “yes sir!!”.

Cute bliss(with her hands on Flow’s broad chest): darling Flow! Pls forgive Bigflamie, he will not do it again, pls darling.
Flow: Bigflamie, na Cute bliss my wife nahim save u today, if not mosquito for use you do suya for guard room. Soldiers, make una leave am, i don forgive am. “yes sir!!”

*Thinking deeply* but wait oh, e be like say Bigflamie don dey chop my wife Cute bliss kpormor oh.

“we were sleeping momentarily and joyously, when the inconsiderate touts of the criminal underworld came calling, we all welcomed them to our humble abode with a bow and a pustrate as the King they were. They asked us if we had legal tenders to offer them, and we told them that a fardin wasn’t with us. Althrough we remained unflappable and predictably silent even after my necklace and wrist watch went to the Real owners. Until all of a sudden, a trigger was pulled at the next room as the crow fly. After the gentlemen on black had gone, with so much stampede we rushed out to meet the gruesome, unholy and unfathomable murder of Chief, it was indeed a gory sight” Tega narrated what caused me headache instantly.

I couldn’t tell what controled my both hands to come together to produce a clap. Others joined me clapping.

“stop clapping!!” Officer Tunde yelled at us and we stopped clapping.

At that moment, i suddenly noticed Officer Bimpe winked. I tot she was winking at me, so i winked back.

“wow! You can speak” Officer Bimpe said and winked again. I instantly realized she initially didn’t wink at me, but at Tega who was seating behind me. “why dis one dey cut eye for Tega na, abi na because of dat small english wey Tega scatter? I fit speak am abeg” i said to myself.

I just couldn’t tell why i hated her guts from that moment onward.

Maybe it was because i was envious of the fact that she was falling for Tega’s looks, his words and his intonation.

“so who else can tell us his own version of the incident?” Officer Ejunykpokpo said. “e be like say this Officer no understand the Big grammar wey Tega scatter oh” I mistakenly said with a low voice and my guys laughed.

I just couldn’t tell why my brain couldn’t control what came out of my mouth, i just couldn’t tell why.

“what did u just say?” Officer Ejunykpokpo queried.

My lie clock told me to say, “i said my friend here will tell you his own version of the incident” pointing at Man.

“ok, go ahead, lets hear you” Officer Ejonykpokpo said.

“ehen, Officer no be say i no fit speak English like Tega oh, but una gree make i use pidgin English nak una the tori?” Man asked. “go ahead” Officer Tunde said.

“mehn! As we dey wayah better sleep oh, naso dem the mumu come show face. Them ask us weda we get money, we say we no get. The two of them wey enter our room be long throat sotey dem chop our food, one of dem even give me slap wey make my head begin heavy me like say i carry four people head. The one wey pain me pass be say them the f”ool carry our fine fine shoe, them even carry my waka about shoe wey i bring from Sokoto” Man narrated the pidgin English version of what Tega narrated earlier and even more.

The Officers went to Mama and Papa Ejima’s room to also question them.

After about 30minutes Officer Bimpe came to us and said, “i will like one of u to come with us to the station to make a written statement of the incident”.

Before she finished saying that, Man said, “make i follow una Officer”. “for where! make i com go station, make dem com say make i pay money to write statement, i no dey go anywhere” i said to myself.

“not you, we need someone that can write, i think you can come with us” Officer Bimpe said pointing at Tega.

As Tega left with her, “yeeeeeeeh!! Man see as the Officer yab you, oboy na big insult oh” Snoop said and we laughed at Man.

“Snoop, you wey dey talk, you know English pass me?” Man said. “why i no go know English pass you, me wey na English i read for IMSU” Snoop replied. “Ok if na true say you read English for IMSU, tell me the past tense of Run?” Man asked. “that na primary two question na, the answer na Ran” Snoop replied.

“you no get am, na before before the answer be Ran, the answer don change, you no know say English dey change everyday” Man said, “so if him no get am, wetin com be the answer?” I asked anxiously.

“the answer no be Ran, the answer na Raned” Man said.

Man wey dey reason!! Man wey dey reason!!
Man wey dey reason!! We made a roof raising cheer.

“we were sleeping momentarily and joyously, when the inconsiderate touts of the criminal underworld came calling, we all welcomed them to our humble abode with a bow and a pustrate as the King they were. They asked us if we had legal tenders to offer them, and we told them that a fardin wasn’t with us. Althrough we remained unflappable and predictably silent even after my necklace and wrist watch went to the Real owners. Until all of a sudden, a trigger was pulled at the next room as the crow fly. After the gentlemen on black had gone, with so much stampede we rushed out to meet the gruesome, unholy and unfathomable murder of Chief, it was indeed a gory sight” Tega narrated what caused me headache instantly.

I couldn’t tell what controled my both hands to come together to produce a clap. Others joined me clapping.

“stop clapping!!” Officer Tunde yelled at us and we stopped clapping.

At that moment, i suddenly noticed Officer Bimpe winked. I tot she was winking at me, so i winked back.

“wow! You can speak” Officer Bimpe said and winked again. I instantly realized she initially didn’t wink at me, but at Tega who was seating behind me. “why dis one dey cut eye for Tega na, abi na because of dat small english wey Tega scatter? I fit speak am abeg” i said to myself.

I just couldn’t tell why i hated her guts from that moment onward.

Maybe it was because i was envious of the fact that she was falling for Tega’s looks, his words and his intonation.

“so who else can tell us his own version of the incident?” Officer Ejunykpokpo said. “e be like say this Officer no understand the Big grammar wey Tega scatter oh” I mistakenly said with a low voice and my guys laughed.

I just couldn’t tell why my brain couldn’t control what came out of my mouth, i just couldn’t tell why.

“what did u just say?” Officer Ejunykpokpo queried.

My lie clock told me to say, “i said my friend here will tell you his own version of the incident” pointing at Man.

“ok, go ahead, lets hear you” Officer Ejonykpokpo said.

“ehen, Officer no be say i no fit speak English like Tega oh, but una gree make i use pidgin English nak una the tori?” Man asked. “go ahead” Officer Tunde said.

“mehn! As we dey wayah better sleep oh, naso dem the mumu come show face. Them ask us weda we get money, we say we no get. The two of them wey enter our room be long throat sotey dem chop our food, one of dem even give me slap wey make my head begin heavy me like say i carry four people head. The one wey pain me pass be say them the f”ool carry our fine fine shoe, them even carry my waka about shoe wey i bring from Sokoto” Man narrated the pidgin English version of what Tega narrated earlier and even more.

The Officers went to Mama and Papa Ejima’s room to also question them.

After about 30minutes Officer Bimpe came to us and said, “i will like one of u to come with us to the station to make a written statement of the incident”.

Before she finished saying that, Man said, “make i follow una Officer”. “for where! make i com go station, make dem com say make i pay money to write statement, i no dey go anywhere” i said to myself.

“not you, we need someone that can write, i think you can come with us” Officer Bimpe said pointing at Tega.

As Tega left with her, “yeeeeeeeh!! Man see as the Officer yab you, oboy na big insult oh” Snoop said and we laughed at Man.

“Snoop, you wey dey talk, you know English pass me?” Man said. “why i no go know English pass you, me wey na English i read for IMSU” Snoop replied. “Ok if na true say you read English for IMSU, tell me the past tense of Run?” Man asked. “that na primary two question na, the answer na Ran” Snoop replied.

“you no get am, na before before the answer be Ran, the answer don change, you no know say English dey change everyday” Man said, “so if him no get am, wetin com be the answer?” I asked anxiously.

“the answer no be Ran, the answer na Raned” Man said.

Man wey dey reason!! Man wey dey reason!!
Man wey dey reason!! We made a roof raising cheer.

“Man i wan buy phone wey i go dey manage oh, where i go fit buy am na?” I asked Man as we sat under the Mango tree, “no wahala, e get where i go carry you go, u go buy am cheap” Man responded. “where be that?” I inquired.

“when we reach there you go know” Man answered how best he knew how to answer such question.

As I and Man were about leaving the compound, we saw Bigie also going out holding a laptop. “Bigie where you dey go na?” Man asked Bigie, “i dey go Ade place, i wan go sell dis laptop” Bigie answered. “we sef na Ade place we dey go, Flow say him wan buy small cheap phone wey him go dey manage” Man informed.

As the three of us walked to Ade’s barbers shop, i was wondering if Ade’s barbers shop had a section where they sold phones and laptops. Or was it another Ade? I couldn’t ask Man because i already knew what his response would be, “when we reach there u go know”.

“wait oh, Bigie where you see laptop wey u wan go sell for Ade shop?” Man asked Bigie. “na person dash me” Bigie replied.

“Oleh!! How person go dash you laptop. U don go thief laptop, u wan com sell am, God dey watch you oh” I held my tongue from mentioning that.

It reminded me of what Man told I and Brainbox while we were kpokponing in the site one day. Very funny but true.

It was about the addictive life style of pilfering and womanizing Bigie and Tupac lived.

He said Tupac and Bigie went for a Job interview to occupy two positions in a newly constructed Big Hotel. The positions were Hotel Manager and Hotel Accountant. It was very certain that they would get the job because they were friends with a friend of the owner of the hotel.

As Bigie was interviewed, the beautiful pen of his interviewer developed wings and flew into his pocket. Just because of that singular act, he was disqualified instantly. How could a robber become a Hotel Accountant?

As for Tupac, his interviewer was a lady putting on a mini skit. The lady sat close to Tupac that her fresh laps were smiling at Tupac. Tupac answered all her questions correctly, not until he stretched out his hand to c’aress the lady’s laps. The lady gave him a dirty slap, and called the guards that dragged him out. How could a womanizer become a Hotel Manager?

So that was how they lost such mouth watering opportunity. Despite the fact that they had been looking for such a handsome pay job since they finished serving for more than two years.

Even at that, Tupac was still womanizing. He had even graduated to visiting “Azu Nepa” regularly.

Azu Nepa was a place were s*x was sold. It was a p”rostitute house. Their motto was: “it is cool to f”uck”. The name Azu Nepa came to be because the p”rostitute house was located at the back of Nepa office.

As for Bigie, if he told me the Legendary highway robber Lawrence Anini was his role model, i would believe him. Bigie’s kleptomaniac attitude to life was really alarming. He needed deliverance. My prayer for him was that he shouldn’t graduate to become a MOPO.

To Be Continued…

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