Categories
-Man Wey Dey Reason

Must Read: Man Wey Dey Reason… Part 29

A story written by Flow1759… If you missed part Twenty Eight, read it HERE!!!

“Aro, dis guy must smoke dis igboh oh” one of the guys said to the other.

I now realized they were my brothers. My Aro brothers.

“Aro mate, elele ti elele, wosky sons of Odin rugged una oh” i greeted them. “so u be bagger nahim u come dey do like jew man” one of them said and Anchored me.

I hurriedly smoked the weed they offered me and rushed out to meet MOG.

“they didn’t harm you? Thank God oh” MOG said, “so naso u for run leave me and them for kill me abi?” i tot.

We continued walking looking for where next to settle and preach, “lets enter that boutique” MOG suggested pointing to a Male boutique.

We entered the boutique to meet an angel in human flesh, a beautiful lady.

“Good day Pastors” she said beckoning for us to seat down, “what may i offer u?” she asked, “water!! just water” MOG replied. Within a twinkle of an eye, she brought two bottle water. She was so hospitable that i concluded she owned the place.

MOG started preaching to her, quoting Bible passages off hand.

The igboh i smoked was gradually turning my head up side down that to everything MOG said i responded with Amen. Even when he said, “this ur boutique is beautiful”, “Amen!!” I responded and the Lady stared at me in a strange way, as if i was mad.

Yes! I was mad, mad for Christ, inspired by igboh, or so i tot.

As MOG preached, he began to catch prophesies, he said, “sister, u are waiting on the Lord for a husband, am i right?” “u are right pastor” she replied, “the Lord said i should tell you that this year u will get married” MOG spoke out the Rhema, “Amen!!” the lady caught the rhema. “Amen!” I also said, as if the prophesy was for me.

“but if u must get Married, u must sow a seed” MOG said, “i will do anything” the lady assured, “u will do anything ehn?” MOG said.

Something in me told me MOG was gradually turning the Bible to a gun he would use to rob the lady, “bring this, this, this, this and this as a seed to the Lord” MOG pointed at five colourful shirts. I was right, he had started his robbery. “ok Pastor” the Lady said removing the shirts from their hangers and bagging them. “bring this and this also” MOG the spiritual robber said pointing at two black trousers. The Lady bagged them all and MOG said, “now lemme pray for you”.

He barely had started praying when i heard, “returning those clothes to her”. I initially tot it was the Voice of God. “i say make u return those clothes to my sister” the voice said again, this time i was sure it wasn’t the Voice of God so i opened my eyes and saw a thick beard guy. MOG fumbled as he gave the clothes back to the lady.

The guy brought out a dagger and said, “i go chok una if una no leave this shop now”.

MOG was the first to run out and i followed with a great speed, say 20km/sec. The guy ran after us with so much speed that he was getting closer to me.

I increased my speed to 30km/sec, wishing i had a third leg. As for MOG, he ran so fast that he mistakenly dropped his Bible to the ground. Like “James hardly chase”, he was really hard to chase.

The guy stopped chasing us because he was tired and I thanked God Almighty because I too was tired.

Since that day i vowed never to go preaching with the lily livered MOG.

Monday came bringing the thoughts of kponkpon.

“Madam say after today we go wait till next week before we go come work again, say her pekin we dey abroad never send money wey we go use continue the work” Man said as we walked to work that morning, “but why she talk like that na?” I asked, “when we reach there make u ask her” No one said that but Man, Man wey dey reason.

“that mean say we need to dey look for where we go dey work till Madam Ifeoma call us back” Brainbox said, “no worry tomorrow i go carry una go one place, them dey call am Nekede Exclusive garden, work plenty there” Man promised.

As work was in progress, i noticed Madam Ifeoma was staring at me althrough, “make dis woman no dey put eye for my work na, abi she think say i dey cheat?” I tot.

Yes, her eyes were on me, not in suspicion but in s’eduction.

After about two hours of tiring kponkpon, she said, “Flow i want to see u at Old solja’s house now!”.

“Flow wetin u do na?” I heard Brainbox said, “i no know oh” I replied, “when you reach there u go know” Man used his usual words.

“abi she wan tell me say make i stop to dey work for her site? Abi she wan tell me say i no sabi work? Wetin i do na?” I was lost in my tots as i walked to Old solja’s house.

I got to Old solja’s shanty house, and the whole place was deserted, then i heard, “come in Flow, am here” Madam Ifeoma said from inside, “why dis woman say make i come in, abi she wan use me do b’lood money?” I tot as i walked into Old solja’s room. “hey! Sweaty Flow, come seat by my side” She said, “make i come seat by ur side, for wetin na? Abi kponkpon dey by ur side?” I almost said.

“i want you to make love to me here” She said bringing her hands close to my John thomas. “and if i don’t?” i thought i said that in my mind, unfortunately i spoke it out. “if u don’t, first of all u will lose ur job, and i will screem that you want to r’ape me here, and u known how the people of this place handles boys that r’apes, they will lynch you to death” Madam Ifeoma threatened and grabbed my John thomas, “yeeeh, my p’rick oh, she wan cut my prick for money ritual oh, Old solja help me oh” i almost shouted, even if i did, nobody would come to my rescue because Old solja lived alone and he wasn’t around.

“but am dirty na, and i don’t have a C’ondom” I complained to her who was already taking off my kponkpon attire. “don’t worry i have c’ondoms in my bag, and i don’t mind that u are dirty” She said pushing me to Old solja’s bed that smelt like s’kunk.
“mhnnnnn!! Who mess?” i almost said, oweing to the fact that Old solja’s bed smelt as if someone had f’art.

I made love to the Old lady as if i was under duress to do so.

Though it was sweat sha!!!.

I rammed in and out of her extra large Honey well that was drowning my J’ohn thomas. As i rammed in and out, i felt sorry for myself that i was having s’ex with a woman old enough to be my mum.

Mehn! She was enjoying the sweat sensation my J’ohn thomas sent, i was also enjoying the swimming my J’ohn thomas swam in her poolsize Honey well.

That would be the first and last time i would have s’ex with her, even if she put a gun to my head, i promised myself. A promised i was sure would fail.

“guy no be today we go go dat Nekede Exclusive garden, na tomorrow, i wan go fill JAMB form” Man said the next morning after morning devotion. “me sef dey comot, i dey enter IMSU, the course wey i get spill over na today them dey do the test” I said.

I came back from school at about 2pm and met a full house save Pkc. “where Pkc go na?” I asked, “u dey ask M’umu question, shey you no know where him dey dey? na Church na” Snoop replied. “food dey house?” I asked, “no food oh” Man responded.

As we sat under the Mango tree munching unripe P-square, then came Bigie. The Notorious BIG.

“dis one wey una dey chop P-square wey no ripe, food no dey una house?” Bigie asked, “food no dey house oh” the revenous Baba jay responded.

“guys i get one good idea oh, make we catch some of dis Haruna fowl cook chop na, him no dey house oh” Notorious BIG suggested. Good idea indeed.

I never bought the idea, but what was i to do? An idle mind is the devil’s workshop, they say.

We bagan to chase the fowls around the compound. I knew it wouldn’t be a wild Goose chase.

Bigie caught a hen that was as f’at as himself, he handed it over to me, and i tranfered it to a big drum. Next, Brainbox caught a c’ock, he handed it over to me and i tranfered it to the big drum. At the end of the chase that lasted for about an hour, we caught 4hens and 2c’ocks.

Althrough while we were chasing the fowls, Daniel and David were watching us keenly. I was wondering what they would be saying in their minds, maybe they would be saying, “these men are thieves, i don’t want to be like them when i grow up”. Same thing i said when i was their age, i said i wouldn’t smoke but i turned out to be a Lord of smoke, i said i wouldn’t womanize but i turned out having s’ex with a woman old enough to be my mum. My next s’ex escapade might be with a woman old enough to be my grandmum, or so i tot.

We fetched firewood, made fire outside, and we started preparing chicken pepper soup.

Since Haruna had almost a hundred fowls, he would hardly notice we stole six fowls, just six fowls, or so i tot.

Snoop bought three bottles of Baron de vale wine for us to use to send home the chicken pepper soup. How thoughtful of Snoop. But where did he get the money for the drinks? I was sure he didn’t steal it because non of my roomates were thieves, i could confidently say that, or so i tot.

The chicken pepper soup was ready within an hour.

Man was the first to munch his share of the meat, as he took the first big bite, David and Daniel cheered, “Man wey dey reason!!”. “eeeeeh! Children Children” Man said to them.

“make we come chop?” Daniel and David chorused. “i resemble una Papa? Abeg make una go read una book” Man replied them.

The two kids walked away, and as they were a bit far, they shouted, “Man wey dey thief Fowl” and they ran.

To Be Continued…

One reply on “Must Read: Man Wey Dey Reason… Part 29”

Greattttt stotyyy…the writer of this story is wayyyy toooooooo gooooooodddddddddddd!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.