If You Missed The Part 2, Read It Here
ME: ogbeni how far?
SEGE: oko bimpe, I dey oooooo.
ME: you know well, who be oko bimpe?
SEGE: eeeh, sorry, Mr maga I mean jaree
ME: you no well ni
ME: errrhhhm, you still remember this girl, kemi?
SEGE: who is kemi?
ME: that my babe wey I tell you say she dey stay for lag na.
SEGE: I no remember ooo.
ME: the one I met before bimpe na.
SEGE: oooooooooooooh, that your recharge card babe abi?.
SEGE: wetin do her?
ME: she just called me say she dey come akure next weekend
SEGE: that one nice na. Na kitten weekend be that for you na.
ME: you no well
SEGE: are you guys still dating?
ME: we never broke up before, we only stopped communicating
with each other
SeGE: and wetin be that one?, no be break-up be that.
ME: that one aside jaree. She said I should send her airtime.
SEGE: hmmmmm. I trust you say you don send am already.
ME: no oooo, I am contemplating on whether to send or not.
SEGE: that babe na cheap airtime scammer. But since she talk
say she dey come akure, risk this last one and send like 200mtn
sha. Atleast to pour water on ground and then walk on wet
ME: thanks jaree my guy.
SEGE: I hear. But don’t send another airtime again until you set
your eyes on her oooooo.
ME: I hear.
The following morning on my way to work, I stopped at a vendor
and got a N200 airtime for kemi. As usual, she only called to
thank me in 12 seconds and later hanged up. 3days gone and I
didn’t hear from kemi again until the 4th night which was
thursday night when she called me again.
ME: hello dear, how are you?
KEMI: I’m fine dear, thanks for the other day
ME: you are welcome dear
KEMI: I also want to remind you that I would be around next
weekend oooo. And you will talk me out and buy gifts for me
ME: no problem dear.
KEMI: thanks love. I’m missing you seriously
ME: same here
KEMI: that’s my baby. Errrrrrhmm honey, can you please help me
with a little airtime please?, even if it is just N200 please.
Recharge card again?, what do I do this time?, segun must not
hear this, and I don’t want her to change her mind about coming
over to see me, but seriously, I was tired of this airtime demands
of a thing but at the same time, I wanted to fucck kemi.
I decided to risk it again and transfer N100 airtime to her from
my phone. One thing about kemi was that, whenever she gets an
airtime below what she requested for, she would never call back
to appreciate but if she gets the exact amount she requested for,
she would call back and spend maximum of 30seconds on a call.
After the transfer, she didn’t call back as usual and I ignored her.
On saturday, I went to visit segun and we had a chat about kemi.
I told segun that kemi would be around on the following week
and my guy came up with a master plan as usual.
ME: sege, that my babe go arrive next weekend ooooo
SEGE: bimpe or kemi?
ME: which one be bimpe again jor?, its kemi
SEGE: oooooh, the airtime merchandise?
ME: na you sabi.
SEGE: but is she staying over at your place?, or just stopping by
ME: we never discuss that one yet
SEGE: all the same, you must sample that girl at this only
opportunity oooo. Or else, u might not see another opportunity
ME: I go try sha.
SEGE: you must do ni. You know hungry girls like kemi requires
special tactics to get them laid.
ME: really?, gist me.
SEGE: firstly, you must act or fake it that you have money to
spend on her when she is around, you must be good at fake
promises and your mouth must be loaded with lies, na that thing
dey give them hope say “hmmm, I must maga this guy, e be like
say e get money”
ME: hmmmm sege!!!!, and after that nko? ****getting
SEGE: you must be smart to play your game wella so as not to
miss the fuccking. Make sure that u post all the spending till
after s*x, and not before.
ME: I still don’t understand
SEGE: mr maga, listen. If you spend before planning to have s*x,
you might not get it, just keep making mouth till you get what
ME: I hear you ooooo.
SEGE: when she dey with you. Call me and we go act drama for
ME: mr sege!!!!!, I dey fear you oooo
SEGE: you think say I be mumu like you?. Na me dey scam girls,
girls no dey dupe me. Loooool.
I returned home that night. Segun and I began our rehearsals on
whatsapp ahead of kemi’s arrival. Ever since I was growing up, I
had always have this mentality that “the more you spend for her,
the more she loves you” but segun changed my orientation and
made me realize that most times, “the more you spend blindly,
the more you are a maga”.
Between monday and Wednesday of the following week, kemi
called me more than 5 times but I didn’t pick up, I intentionally
refused to pick up because I knew she would always demand for
airtime. On thursday morning, I called her myself.
ME: hello kemi
KEMI: my love, how are you?, why did you refused picking my
calls for the past four days?
ME: I’m sorry, the phone was on silent since sunday night and I
misplaced it since then. I tried calling the number from another
phone to trace it but it wasn’t ringing out, it was this morning
that I found it inside the kitchen cupboard.
KEMI: eeyah, sorry about that my love, I was thinking you were
with another girl, maybe that’s why you refused to pick up.
ME: ****oloshi, this one wey you dey call me “my love” I know
say na “send me airtime” go end am********, baby when are you
KEMI: I would arrive this evening, but the event is tomorrow and
ME: are you staying over at my place?
ME: why laughing?
KEMI: you are funny ni, I’m coming with my family, we would be
staying over at the place provided for us. since I’m not alone, I
won’t be able to stay over at your place.
ME: huuuuuh, how do I take you out for shopping then?
KEMI: eeeeeeehhh!!! You mean you want to shop for me?
ME: yes, I am even buying a phone for you since you said your
phone is giving you issues.
KEMI: huuuuh. That’s why I love you honey. But why don’t we do
it like this?
KEMI: please do all the shopping and bring it to me where I
would be staying, I might not be chanced to spend time outside,
sebi I told you I would be with my family?
ME: ****heartbroken “oloshi”******* no problem dear, let’s
postpone all the shopping and gifts to another day that you
would have time. I can’t just be roaming about supermarkets
alone on my own without you by my side, I would only come and
say Hi to you wherever you are. That’s all
KEMI: common dear, so you won’t bring anything for me?
ME: not sure, maybe apples only sha.
KEMI: haba!!!, ok you know what!
KEMI: let me get to akure first, then I would know how to
squeeze out time to go out with you.
ME: that’s my baby
KEMI: are you happy now?
ME: off course. So what time will u get to akure?
KEMI: can’t say yet, but we would leave home by 10am sha.
ME: ok dear, can’t wait to see you
KEMI: same here dear
ME: pls let me know when you are around
KEMI: ok my love, eeeerhm my love, please can you do me a
ME: ***hanged up*****, oloshi, the only favour I have been doing
you is Airtime, “omo-ale”
WATCH OUT FOR PART 4